Labyrinthine

For the most part, going home to my parents' house is a bitch. It was so soothing/relaxing this time around. Got a lots things done, able to release the toxic grip of Kate's influence.

Got home late. Created three mounds for my Three Sister's Guild. Weeded where I'm thinking to transplant my dad's locquat tree and where I'm thinking of putting in some berry bushes. Seeded this large pot with beans and eggplant, which I will later include tomatoes and bigger bamboo sticks. Then found a wonderful surprise of where my father puts in all the tree clippings/weed/leaves which I incorporated into a compost post of a trashcan that I later need to put holes in the bottom to prevent too much moisture. There's even these flat stones I'm thinking of using in the future.

Cleaned my car and went shopping with my mom.

Planned out more for my garden. People stare at me when I work at that garden. They think I'm some kind of expert. The men from the center nearby are all of the same variety. Left-swinging hippies that are a little nutty.

Realized there's so many things I can occupy my time with to avoid seeing Kate. Enclose myself in positive energy.

I want to read this Glamour mag article in detail. It had to do with money. Said thrifty men less likely to cheat than men that spend spend spend. Also makes me grateful that I let him go.

Now that I've lost enough weight to look normal, people keep asking me if I'm dating someone. They assume someone is waiting at the wings. There use to be. Not anymore. I realize I need reasons other than just to keep me going. He was the reason before. And he's gone now. It's in my best interest to move on. He isn't going to be replaced. I don't know how to replace him. The empty space he left behind hopefully filled with a career, a life other than that, but nevertheless still worthwhile. Some are meant to be loved and adored. This isn't in my cards, not reflected in the stars. I think of my scars. The barriers between me and the rest of the world.

That's why I'm signing up for that run this October. And I'm taking my studio's April yoga challenge seriously. Not worry about what I eat during the day, but hyperfocus what I eat at night. Granola bar, salads, tofu/fish and veges.