The HR woman told me I'm going to be sharing an office with the boss. This terrifies me. I'm done trying to socialize at this point. Now I'm just going to try to do my job as professional as I can. A working stiff. Take out all my stress at the gym and studio.
It's only now did I discover the Ralph's in downtown has an extensive salad bar, sandwich counter, and deli section. I can eat healthy around here.
Went back to yoga after half a month of absence since that possibly alcohol-induced back pain. I went to the intro class again and the class is definitely much easier now than before. Still not perfect, but it's no longer a struggle. I'm still menstruating. So I tried to use a tampon they dispense freely at the yoga studio. It wouldn't fit. It's been so long. It's as though I re-virginized. =(
It didn't end well and that's why I keep thinking about him. I'm a monomaniac. Covering the same ground year in, year out.
I'm in this mood that's been with me for days. Withdrawal. I wish it can keep going. For the rest of my life. There's something cleansing about it. Work then working out. When I get enough money, it's work, working out, then studying. Fill my days with sad lonesome songs. Kings of Convenience. Beach House. Bon Ivor. Read more Blake. Thick curtains keep away the light from my room. My self-made prison. I can't have life. I'm beginning to understand Ivan's choices. Maybe my mother has something to do with this.
The best I can hope for is to have enough money for old age, a comfortable death. My own place, even if its an apartment. A piece of mind.
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